Dream Sequence
There you are again,
We’ve met once before.
You are very beautiful,
And you pull me aside,
So, I come short of words,
And you tell me it’s fine.
All of a sudden,
We become so serious.
Moving in closer and closer,
Our breaths become so deep.
Alas! — our lips have united.
But my alarm clock goes off,
And we are parted once more.
Tags: attraction, beautiful women, beauty, desire, Tracy, unmatched beauty
Ahhh, so cute! though I must say, in this poem you should not have any “And”‘s in it, it doesn’t belong and makes the poem awkward…I think that instead it would be better as
As you pull me aside,
I come short of words,
Yet you tell me it’s fine.
I’m not sure about the “Yet you tell me it’s fine part, but other than that you should but a period after “You are very beautiful,” and comma after “We’ve met once before”
^^
~Fellow Writer(not in poems much)::Aiva
Thank you. I’ll definitely look it over again this week.
I don’t recall exactly why i stuck the “ands” in there,
I think it was mainly for the rhythm and the pattern of the poem.
I really appreciate the feedback. It helps.